Le foto di cui in questo racconto non sono delle persone citati.
Nate
I’d loved Nate for 3 anni, and we broke up one month before my initiation. He vocalized that he couldn’t accept me not giving him head for 3 months nor my refusal to bend the rules for him, crying out “What about me??”. I think it was less about the fellatio, and more about my elevation, which had nothing to do with him. (Liz always said he clouded my light.) I decided that a man who couldn’t respect my spiritual quest didn’t deserve my love, devotion, or honey pot. His tantrum left me asking the same question –
What about Me?
After Nate, I resolved that I’d remain to myself as a Iyawo. Be selfish to develop fully without concern of another. I owed my body to no one.
Lover
…But before I decided to cap off my civilian life and become an officer in the army of priests, I called an old Lover over to my home to wish me goodbye and good luck…in every way that he could muster. And he did. Boy, was he creative. I had rug burns on my back and a smile for days. Upper-arm strength and some drinking water can go a looooong way.
Anck Su Namun
During my first three months, the time when I couldn’t be touched (like the Egyptian courtesan Anaksunamun), this old Lover would text me, and we’d fantasize about the times when we were together, and the times when we’d be together again. By month two, I’d abandoned the thought that I would remain to myself as a Iyawo…I was bout tuh DIE. I’d sometimes bathe just as an attempt to cool myself down, only to end up with more steam than when i’d started. I could, not, WAIT until the three-months was over, because then I could let the fire out like a temple cat from her cage. Meeoooooooow.
At my 3-month ritual, all things checked out well and the Orisha were pleased with me! (I admit…I was rather nervous from all the sexting). There was also a special word from Oshun – she was sending me someone special, a meaningful romantic relationship, that year. Wait whaaat? I didn’t ask for or expect that…
How can I meet someone fa’ real as an Iyawo? Who’s going to want me like this?
The old Lover must have circled the date on his calendar in red – as my godmother left, he sent word that he was coming into town. “Let’s catch up…can I stay with you?” Some days later, he was standing in my living room again – shirtless, dark, muscular, and waiting on a command. He gave me my first hug from a man in three months…and just held me there. I was overwhelmed, dizzy, beginning to sweat… but submitted to let myself be hugged. To be touched. To reacclimate to physical affections. I felt his warm chest heave against mine. I felt the scruff of his beard on my neck…it was so hot in the room. I couldn’t let him back onto my familiar mattress, and instead lied down with him on a pull-out twin bed in my living room – there was no room to go or be anywhere else, but on each other.
I was so afraid that I couldn’t breathe. A solitary tear rolled out of my eye, overwhelmed by the energy of proximity that I’d taken for granted all of my sexual life. We laid there and cuddled flipped and pretzled each other’s legs. He breathed hot on my back. Laced his fingers through mine like shoestrings. Pressed his skin against my white gown; I kept it on and pulled down, like a Trojan.
But nothing more. Before he left, he asked for a kiss, and I couldn’t give it to him. I felt twelve years old again. I walked him out in the next morning, and soon collapsed into a ball on my living room floor, feeling triumphant over the fire of lust – a first for me. I didn’t succumb to an insincere lover, who was never good for me anyway.
I’m a priest now. Everyone who knocks at the temple gate isn’t trying to pray.
Three months of no sex came and went. Then four. Then five. Then six. I was burning up. I was angry. I was living a tragic comedy. I developed an immunity to masturbation. I was tired of listening to Jill Scott’s “Celibacy Blues“. I decided that if I was going to create a new (sesso) life for myself, I might as well start dating.
Sig.. Waters
I considered him a student of mine, because i’d once given him interview training. But he would never accept this title and was a few years my junior. He was so very handsome, and so very intelligent. I’d never have dated him in college, but he was too cute now. The truth is, he was young, eager, and sexaaaaay. He gave me my first kiss as a Iyawo, a lovely tongue down after walking me to my car after our first date…and I liked it. A bunch. Standing in the middle of the street, then against my car, shameless. “Oh…I reMEMBER this,” I thought. But I couldn’t “ditch the panties” for him. Nawl. “He just doesn’t understand what i’m going through.” L'ho invitato più di una notte per un pigiama party, e ho indossato un berretto da notte e un po 'di bianco pantaloni da una botanica…Presi pezzo non na'an di sexy quella notte. Abbiamo avuto due date, e non ho mai più visto.
Jose
Era portoricano, e un bambino di Shango, che mi ha corteggiato per un po '. Sono stato in grado di parlare in spagnolo o in inglese con un uomo più anziano che ha capito la mia vita e si preparava a diventare un Iyawo se stesso. Era così bello, anche se sono stato confuso dal suo affinità per Coach-uomo borse e sopracciglia tweezed…A quanto pare questo è un fatto culturale latina. Ma aveva il buon gusto, evidente in un giallo portafoglio in pelle Coach canarino ha comprato per me…presumibilmente perché era Martedì. E 'questo quello Oshun mi ha parlato di?? Ho accettato il dono, e il fatto che avevo trovato un confidente culturale. Voleva essere un vigile del fuoco, e ben presto mi dato alle fiamme. Ho deciso che sarebbe stato “L'unico”. Sì, mi piacerebbe diventare sedici di nuovo. Dopo la nostra prima notte di incurvando di fortuna, dove ho pianto e lo pregai “Si prega di non farmi male…“, Non ho mai più visto. Amici moglie…si vive e si impara.
Problemi di fiducia
Nate utilizzato per urlano Drake “Problemi di fiducia” a volume massimo. Aveva problemi seri, e ho imparato che ho fatto troppo. Avevo paura di essere utilizzati per il mio nuovo spirituale Ase / Engery / Prana / Qi, e ancora tenuto a casi di vampirismo d'altri tempi. Ho iniziato una meditazione del perdono, con citrino cristallo posizionata sul mio secondo chakra, ogni notte per liberarmi di bagaglio emotivo. E da qualche conto, ogni amante su cui meditavo sarebbe entrare in contatto con me il giorno successivo, senza fallire, fino a quando ho esaurito la mia lista.
I giocatori minori
Ci sono stati un paio di date di caffè con gli uomini provenienti da altri paesi. Bowling e karaoke con un nigeriano. Caffè e zuppa con un etiope. Ho iniziato ad amare incontrare uomini di diverse culture. Mia sorella era divertito, e ha detto che uscivo la “United Colors of Benetton”. Dopo una data, Non ho mai visto nessuno di loro ancora una volta.
Baptiste
L'ho incontrato durante una manifestazione, e lui mi guardò come un uccello strano e uncaged. Era Haiti, e io ero una donna scura che indossava tutto bianco e non sarebbe fargli vedere i miei capelli e ha dato risposte brevi delle mie peculiarità. E 'stato intrappolato. Era così molto scuro, e spiritoso, con denti perfetti. Ha sempre chiesto i miei capelli…fantasticato di come sembrava sotto la copertura. E 'breve? E 'lunga? E 'ondulato? Hai locs? Posso vederlo? Quando posso vederlo?? I learned how much men fantasize over what they can not see, or have…the arousal created solely by the hungry and unsatiated imagination. After a few dates, I decided that i’d invite him over and get to the business…an attempt at redemption from the Puerto Rican failure over a month before. He was apprehensive – “I really like you…and I don’t want to mess that up.” With seven months of sexual dissatisfaction in the bag, I disregarded his reasoning, and convinced him to go for it.
We’re adults. We should be able to have sex and continue on as we please.
Bene…he went all Trey Songz and preceded to Diiiive In Iiiiit!!! When my head wrap finally came off, he didn’t blink nor give comment. He came before we had sex, blaming an inefficiency. “I only get one nut,” he said. I looked for Ashton Kutcher to walk through the door, but instead it was Elegba (the divine trickster, often represented by an erect fallice…think the Hindu lingam) in the room laughing at me instead. Desperate, I offered – “You know…they have things that can help that? Ginseng…acupuncture??” Non ho mai più visto.
I’m thankful for Baptiste, as he provided powerful lessons in my year.
- My sexual familiarity had left me. My old Bag-O-Tricks was empty. Despite attempts, I was no longer successful if my efforts were seeped in sexual manipulation and selfishness – vale a dire. I’m just trying to get my rocks off. I’d have to find a new way to be and express Sexy.
- As much as I was afraid of being used, I had willingly attempted to use someone against their desires and better judgement. If I desired healthy sexual relationships for a change, i’d have to offer something more than a hot honey pot.
- Fa real…it was time to be much much more sexually selective. Throwing out a few spiritual words like chakra o ancestors doesn’t qualify one to come and worship in the temple.
Kahlil
I left work on the Monday following the Zimmerman verdict, and headed downtown to walk off the weight of of sorrow from the judicial blow. He walked by me with a little boy, and I could overhear him trying to explain the concept of racial injustice to a 7-year-old – his son. I snapped a picture of them from behind, and somehow he knew. We ended up meeting further down the path, and the first words out of his mouth to me were “Are you [a child of] Obatala?” We became quick friends, chatting on the phone for 3, 4, 5 hours at night…every night. His godfather knew my godmother. He even mentioned his desire to ask Ifa, orisha of destiny, who we could be to each other. He fantasized about my hair, and i’d see his eyes widen when I moved to adjust the fabric. He’d come over for dinner, or take me on long walks. I made a super hero cape for his son. E 'questo quello Oshun mi ha parlato di??
Then one day, he pulled away. We tried sleeping together, but it just never really worked – he’d suddenly get a migraine. I was, AGAIN, frustrated by our sexual inability, and at this point had started yelling at my orisha. But I got over the flesh of myself to accept the truth of a new sexual reality. Despite the lack of love play, we retained a close friendship. And I loved him, sincerely.
Deepak
I had a dream one night about a tiger and an elephant, and on the next evening we had our first date. He met me at my favorite restaurant, and we talked about our respective understanding of our place in the Universe, and the divine favor in our lives. I learned that the tiger was his spirit animal, and I already knew that the elephant was one of mine. Over several dates, he told me about Indian culture, and his travels around the world. His Sikh bracelet was much like mine for Obatala. I admired his Western education, and his Eastern spirit. He respected so much that I was becoming a priest. I’d gush about him to Liz allahtahm – she’d squeal, as best friends do. Is HE the one Oshun was talking about?? He also fantasized about my hair – What does it look like? How long is it? Quando posso vederlo? Only during sex, you say??? By now, Avevo vissuto dieci mesi del fallimento sessuale, così ho quasi perso quando si è offerto volontario tutti i modi in cui sono stato “così molto sexy…”. Abbiamo anche cercato di dormire insieme, e che, inoltre, non ha funzionato. Molto passione iniziale, fermato dalla sua confessione “Io non sono sicuro di essere pronto ad affrontare le emozioni di seguito.”. Abbiamo mantenuto un rapporto di amicizia fino ad oggi, e io lo amo, sincerely.
In ottobre, Oshun mi ha detto che lui stava arrivando. E la prossima settimana, Novembre, Ho incontrato Pierre…
Le foto elencate in questa narrazione non sono di articolo le persone reali mentioned..This prima apparizione sulla YouAreTheTruth.
Ultimi post di Ma Mckinley (vedi tutti)
- Incontri Mentre Santo: Tutti Fuoco, No Quench - Ottobre 19, 2014
- Rebranding Culturale: New Woman, Nuovo nome - Settembre 22, 2014
